Habits of a Peace Maker by Steven T. Collis

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Book Review of Habits of a Peace Maker by Steven T. Collis

I don’t know if anyone else has noticed, but it seems like there is a lot of craziness in our world right now. It seems as if everyone has a different opinion on matters, and if you have a different opinion, you are wrong or bad. Maybe it’s just me…One thing I’ve noticed is that there’s a lot of screaming between sides, but no real conversations. It seems as if people are afraid or unwilling to understand each other. REALLY understand each other. Steven T. Collis is not one of those people. His new book Habits of a Peace Maker outlines the steps people can take to build bridges and truly understand each other.

Blurb:

Learn the practical skills that can help you build bridges, heal relationships, and engage in productive conversation about even the hardest topics.

Imagine turning what could be a contentious conversation with a family member, a friend, or a coworker into a fruitful exchange that enlightens everyone’s minds and inches both of you toward a solution. Steven T. Collis, one of the world’s leading experts on civil discourse, reveals ten practical habits that can help you navigate the potential minefields of hard topics and leave you and those you converse with feeling thoughtful and productive.

Most people have experienced the slippery slope of dialogue that descends into polarized argument. We yell at each other. We gaslight. We twist one another’s words and meanings. We embrace facts that support our conclusions and ignore those that don’t. Or we sit in silence, afraid to discuss anything of substance. If how you treat others matters to you, this book offers powerful new habits that can give you the confidence to engage in dialogue about hard topics while building and strengthening relationships.

Learn successful habits that will allow you to, among other things:

Reframe conversations to make them more productive
Engage in real learning by breaking free from technological manipulation
Ask questions of others to understand their true motivations
Recognize gaslighting and not allow it
Know when and how to use humor
Take time for long reflection
Embrace the discomfort of non-closure
Whether you’re motivated by a desire for more fruitful discussions about politics or simply bringing more peace to your home, Habits of a Peacemaker offers you the tools to engage in constructive and healthy dialogue.

My Book Review:

I really liked Habits of a Peace Maker! I learned so much about how to better my conversations. The book is well researched, well laid out, and well written. Collis has definitely done his homework, and you can tell he knows what he is talking about. Steven T. Collis works as a law professor at a major university, specializing in the First Amendment. He speaks all over the world, to people with all different backgrounds and opinions, and manages to have respectful and productive conversations.

Collis lays out ten habits that he feels people can use to also have respectful and productive conversations. He uses many examples to show and explain his ten habits. I won’t go into all of them—you’ll need to read the book—but I’ll discuss a few of my favorites.

Habit #1 is Intellectual Humility and Reframing. Even though Collis is an expert on the First Amendment of the Constitution, he will still go into a conversation with humility, understanding that even he does not understand or know everything there is to know. Wow, right? So what makes the rest of us think we know what we are talking about? We read one article or listen to one podcast and think we understand and have answers to complex situations. So, he says, be humble, acknowledge that you may not have all the answers, and reframe the conversation in a productive way.

Habit #3 is Assume the best about people. Just because someone doesn’t come to the same conclusion as you do does not mean that person is a bad person, is uninformed, or has evil intent. That person has come by his/her opinions honestly and is most likely trying to do the best he/she can in the situation. That person may actually have more or different information about a situation that we do. So what should we do? Collis says we should ask questions to better understand others’ positions and motivations.

Habit #6 is Be Open to Change. (Gasp!) Collis states that one responsibility of being a peacemaker is to be open to change. The previous habits focused more on being civil during discussions, but this habit is more of an action statement. Putting all the previous habits into use doesn’t help us much if we aren’t willing to set aside our differences or change our opinions if we learn new information or are presented with new ideas. We should be open to more truth and be willing to allow that truth to affect our thoughts and actions.

I only shared three of the ten habits, but as you can see, they’re all so good! Difficult to put into action—but so good! He’s definitely not asking us all to do something easy—our egos get in the way—but very worthwhile. Habits of a Peace Maker is full of mic drop moments and wonderful nuggets that can help us all bring down the temperature of our discourse. I think we all have more in common than we think we do, and putting these habits into action will help us all understand each other more and find common ground.